Dear “Irene”, this is an open letter from a fellow transwoman who understands what you are going through.
I read Dr. Michael Brown’s exchange with you (link below) and would love the opportunity to converse with you further….
We all suffer from shame and guilt brought on by the “I shouldn’t be transitioning, this is stupid, this is against scripture!”. Then that shame eats us alive. I wrote about this very topic yesterday (link at bottom)
Major problem: if we assume our actions drive us far away from God, we are not looking the real God. Instead, we are attempting to fit our emotions and actions into a religious system. Psalm 103:12 is an observation for all time: He has removed our sins as far as the east is from the west. God isn’t far from you. In fact, he’s never been far from you even in the times you thought He was far away due to your internalized shame that you were “living against God’s will”. Rev 3:20 says he’s knocking at the door, which of course means He’s right there next to you! Psalm 139 tells us He’s always there.
We have this idea that sin separates us from God. That’s not true. God is never separated from us due to our sin because he bridged that gap when God in human form was killed on the cross. His spirit is ALWAYS with us.
It’s the shame that pushes us away from God. It’s toxic shame that has us look away from Him and make us assume God can’t accept us “as we are”. It’s shame that says “stop being who I made you to be and fit into a system of conformity called religion”.
It’s hellish shame that insists we detransition, cast away our transgender selves to be accepted by the church at large. They welcome us back in to their fold only when we “fit in” to their expected cookie-cutter mold. Yet, some time later, the strong urge comes back to retransition because we can’t keep a lid on it any longer. Then when we re-come-out as transgender, we will be cast out of their church then labeled as delusional, drinking the liberal kool-aid, insane, etc.
There’s a large problem with this church-at-large-acceptance of trans people only if they deny being themselves: God does the opposite of what the church is doing these days. Yes, the church at large is at odds with how God loves and treats His children, tragically.
God doesn’t care what you look like, what your genital status is, what your birth certificate says or what your chromosomes are. If He did, he would have demanded all the eunuchs in the biblical times repent and give up being anything intersex/transgender before accepting them just like modern preachers do these days. Does God do that? No. Did God mandate the authorities check the genitals of the eunuch so they could use the “proper” restroom? No. Did God insist that leaders check the birth certificate of the eunuch to see if it had “M” or “F” on it? No. God is only concerned about the heart of the eunuch person in Acts 8, not what’s in their pants.
Did God guilt the eunuch into “being what God created him to be” so they can be accepted by the same church-goers that rejected them? No. The modern church does that, this is not God’s methods at all.
So why does much of the church in America “accept” trans people only if they sink to terrible shame-based, lows and deny being transgender when God doesn’t do this? Because the church doesn’t represent God. It represents itself, a system of conformity to man-made ideals, not God-breathed possibilities.
God didn’t paint the universe in black and white, He used the entire spectrum of colors. And likewise with people, we are not black and white, he crafted us differently. Science has unearthed so much information about this topic, yet the church at large shouts “We don’t need science, we have God!”. Yet science is proving God’s breadth and depth of creation!
And to God that’s OK! But to the church at large, we are cast out…and only accepted back “once we stop running from God”. How can we run from God when He’s right next to us at all times?
It’s the church at large that places the burden of shame on us. It expects us to conform. It rejects people who “aren’t Godly.” It’s not that the rejected people aren’t actually ungodly, it’s that the people in that church reject God’s spirit in front of them, in the form of a transgender person. It, the system, does not believe that transgender people exist.
It, the system, is wrong. God isn’t limited by it. Never has and never will be.
You’re married to a wonderful man, enjoy your marriage. You had your SRS, enjoy it. It’s God provisioned. You can’t see God’s provision through your shame. Once you ask God to remove the shame and show you His purpose, you’ll be much happier. HINT: you won’t be walking into a church with Dr. Brown any time soon, or ever. He will only accept you if you deny being who God created you to be: transgender.
Plenty of biological evidence exists to show we are wired differently in the womb. The church at large doesn’t believe in the facts in front of them from the myriad of research, so they label us as delusional and insane, then dare to put us in the “transanity” group. Just as they did with those who suffer from ALS, epilepsy, etc. We are just as human and loved by God as them, to God there is no difference.
But to the the Dr. Brown’s of the world, there is a difference: we are not allowed in their houses of worship because we are different. The Pharisees did the same. They were called “the separated ones” because they believed in a “pure” view of scripture then cast out anyone else who didn’t believe as they did.
Sound familiar? The same has happened here in America. (See my recent article Modern Day Pharisees for more info). Jesus didn’t die for us to be shamed into a system, He set us free FROM that system. Including our church system.
How God treats and accepts His children is so very different than how the church at large accepts and treats God’s children. The church at large demands conformity to it’s rules to be part of their club. Shame is a huge weapon to used to keep people inline. God doesn’t do that. The difference is so striking, many times I wonder if these preachers who separate God’s flock will be stunned at who is standing next to them in heaven: the trans person they rejected, the gay person they argued with, the politician on the “other side” of the political spectrum, etc.
A large part of the Good News is that Jesus destroyed the temple, where God’s spirit solely existed, so that we could be accepted as children of God anywhere, not just in their temples masquerading as conformity based social circles.
You are loved by God and accepted by God the way you are right now, including the shame. He’s next to you Fall into God’s arms, continue your HRT, love your husband…God wants it that way because He made you that way.
This transgender woman (me) is loved by God just as are you, exactly the way you are in the “opposite” gender.
God has known since the beginning of time you are made differently, it’s no surprise to Him. The guilt and shame you feel is brought on by those who don’t accept you unless you look like what they expect. You’re bowing to their expectations of you, not the way God made you. So you accept their shame as “correction” and “God’s better plan”. God doesn’t shame you, mankind does. Even church-going mankind, especially church-going mankind.
Shame is brought on by doubt and fear. Those two toxic pieces have been used the past few years against transgender people in the political realm while claiming “it is of God”. Don’t buy into that garbage either. There is only one of you. After you have passed, we slice your brain open, we will find the same as mine, your endocrine system was indeed made in reverse. Even then those that “accept you” because you “came to your senses” still won’t believe it.
Acceptance is true from God, but not from the church at large. Don’t swallow the poison pills of fear and doubt as those produce shame that stops you from being you.
God isn’t limited to man’s ideas of what God is.
Irene, please contact me via Facebook, I’d love to converse with you privately. I won’t try to change your mind and I have a feeling you won’t try to change mine. That’s the way I approach personal conversations. I want to show you my life, a trans woman who lived with intense shame for 4 decades grappling with this same demon you are wrestling with currently.
And no, Dr. Brown doesn’t have the answer, he only accepts you if you fit into his system of beliefs. That’s not God-like acceptance, that’s what Pharisees do. If you want acceptance by Modern Day Pharisees, that’s your choice.
When it comes to transgender people, Dr. Brown is far from God as he refuses to understand transgender people. He refuses to converse with me even after repeated requests in the past.
You’re not running from God, you can’t. He’s been next to you the whole time, just waiting for you to turn around…He loves you just as you ARE.
You are not a mistake as transgender, you are God’s beloved. He says you belong as you are. No changing back is necessary, no matter how much the blanket of shame has suffocated your soul to see that. Don’t throw stones at yourself.
You belong to Him. Already.
Irene, you are transgender. God did make you that way. Don’t buy into the “I was choosing to be
FB discussion to this link at Dr. Brown’s site:
My reply to shame (prior to reading Dr. Brown’s article)
My profile link on Facebook: