An Open Letter To “Irene”

Dear “Irene”, this is an open letter from a fellow transwoman who understands what you are going through.


I read Dr. Michael Brown’s exchange with you (link below) and would love the opportunity to converse with you further….

We all suffer from shame and guilt brought on by the “I shouldn’t be transitioning, this is stupid, this is against scripture!”. Then that shame eats us alive. I wrote about this very topic yesterday (link at bottom)

Major problem: if we assume our actions drive us far away from God, we are not looking the real God. Instead, we are attempting to fit our emotions and actions into a religious system. Psalm 103:12 is an observation for all time: He has removed our sins as far as the east is from the west. God isn’t far from you. In fact, he’s never been far from you even in the times you thought He was far away due to your internalized shame that you were “living against God’s will”. Rev 3:20 says he’s knocking at the door, which of course means He’s right there next to you! Psalm 139 tells us He’s always there.


We have this idea that sin separates us from God. That’s not true. God is never separated from us due to our sin because he bridged that gap when God in human form was killed on the cross.  His spirit is ALWAYS with us.

It’s the shame that pushes us away from God. It’s toxic shame that has us look away from Him and make us assume God can’t accept us “as we are”.  It’s shame that says “stop being who I made you to be and fit into a system of conformity called religion”.

It’s hellish shame that insists we detransition, cast away our transgender selves to be accepted by the church at large. They welcome us back in to their fold only when we “fit in” to their expected cookie-cutter mold. Yet, some time later, the strong urge comes back to retransition because we can’t keep a lid on it any longer. Then when we re-come-out as transgender, we will be cast out of their church then labeled as delusional, drinking the liberal kool-aid, insane, etc.

There’s a large problem with this church-at-large-acceptance of trans people only if they deny being themselves: God does the opposite of what the church is doing these days. Yes, the church at large is at odds with how God loves and treats His children, tragically.

God doesn’t care what you look like, what your genital status is, what your birth certificate says or what your chromosomes are. If He did, he would have demanded all the eunuchs in the biblical times repent and give up being anything intersex/transgender before accepting them just like modern preachers do these days. Does God do that? No. Did God mandate the authorities check the genitals of the eunuch so they could use the “proper” restroom?  No. Did God insist that leaders check the birth certificate of the eunuch to see if it had “M” or “F” on it?  No. God is only concerned about the heart of the eunuch person in Acts 8, not what’s in their pants.

Did God guilt the eunuch into “being what God created him to be” so they can be accepted by the same church-goers that rejected them?  No. The modern church does that, this is not God’s methods at all.

So why does much of the church in America “accept” trans people only if they sink to terrible shame-based, lows and deny being transgender when God doesn’t do this?  Because the church doesn’t represent God. It represents itself, a system of conformity to man-made ideals, not God-breathed possibilities.

God didn’t paint the universe in black and white, He used the entire spectrum of colors. And likewise with people, we are not black and white, he crafted us differently. Science has unearthed so much information about this topic, yet the church at large shouts “We don’t need science, we have God!”. Yet science is proving God’s breadth and depth of creation!

And to God that’s OK! But to the church at large, we are cast out…and only accepted back “once we stop running from God”.  How can we run from God when He’s right next to us at all times?

It’s the church at large that places the burden of shame on us. It expects us to conform. It rejects people who “aren’t Godly.” It’s not that the rejected people aren’t actually ungodly, it’s that the people in that church reject God’s spirit in front of them, in the form of a transgender person. It, the system, does not believe that transgender people exist.

It, the system, is wrong. God isn’t limited by it. Never has and never will be.

You’re married to a wonderful man, enjoy your marriage. You had your SRS, enjoy it. It’s God provisioned. You can’t see God’s provision through your shame. Once you ask God to remove the shame and show you His purpose, you’ll be much happier. HINT: you won’t be walking into a church with Dr. Brown any time soon, or ever. He will only accept you if you deny being who God created you to be: transgender.

Plenty of biological evidence exists to show we are wired differently in the womb. The church at large doesn’t believe in the facts in front of them from the myriad of research, so they label us as delusional and insane, then dare to put us in the “transanity” group.  Just as they did with those who suffer from ALS, epilepsy, etc. We are just as human and loved by God as them, to God there is no difference.

But to the the Dr. Brown’s of the world, there is a difference: we are not allowed in their houses of worship because we are different. The Pharisees did the same. They were called “the separated ones” because they believed in a “pure” view of scripture then cast out anyone else who didn’t believe as they did.

Sound familiar? The same has happened here in America. (See my recent article Modern Day Pharisees for more info). Jesus didn’t die for us to be shamed into a system, He set us free FROM that system. Including our church system.

How God treats and accepts His children is so very different than how the church at large accepts and treats God’s children.  The church at large demands conformity to it’s rules to be part of their club. Shame is a huge weapon to used to keep people inline. God doesn’t do that. The difference is so striking, many times I wonder if these preachers who separate God’s flock will be stunned at who is standing next to them in heaven: the trans person they rejected, the gay person they argued with, the politician on the “other side” of the political spectrum, etc.

A large part of the Good News is that Jesus destroyed the temple, where God’s spirit solely existed, so that we could be accepted as children of God anywhere, not just in their temples masquerading as conformity based social circles.

You are loved by God and accepted by God the way you are right now, including the shame. He’s next to you  Fall into God’s arms, continue your HRT, love your husband…God wants it that way because He made you that way.

This transgender woman (me) is loved by God just as are you, exactly the way you are in the “opposite” gender. 

God has known since the beginning of time you are made differently, it’s no surprise to Him. The guilt and shame you feel is brought on by those who don’t accept you unless you look like what they expect. You’re bowing to their expectations of you, not the way God made you. So you accept their shame as “correction” and “God’s better plan”.  God doesn’t shame you, mankind does. Even church-going mankind, especially church-going mankind.

Shame is brought on by doubt and fear. Those two toxic pieces have been used the past few years against transgender people in the political realm while claiming “it is of God”.  Don’t buy into that garbage either. There is only one of you. After you have passed, we slice your brain open, we will find the same as mine, your endocrine system was indeed made in reverse. Even then those that “accept you” because you “came to your senses” still won’t believe it.

Acceptance is true from God, but not from the church at large. Don’t swallow the poison pills of fear and doubt as those produce shame that stops you from being you.

God isn’t limited to man’s ideas of what God is.

Irene, please contact me via Facebook, I’d love to converse with you privately.  I won’t try to change your mind and I have a feeling you won’t try to change mine.  That’s the way I approach personal conversations. I want to show you my life, a trans woman who lived with intense shame for 4 decades grappling with this same demon you are wrestling with currently.

And no, Dr. Brown doesn’t have the answer, he only accepts you if you fit into his system of beliefs. That’s not God-like acceptance, that’s what Pharisees do. If you want acceptance by Modern Day Pharisees, that’s your choice.

When it comes to transgender people, Dr. Brown is far from God as he refuses to understand transgender people. He refuses to converse with me even after repeated requests in the past.

You’re not running from God, you can’t. He’s been next to you the whole time, just waiting for you to turn around…He loves you just as you ARE.

You are not a mistake as transgender, you are God’s beloved. He says you belong as you are.  No changing back is necessary, no matter how much the blanket of shame has suffocated your soul to see that. Don’t throw stones at yourself.

You belong to Him. Already.


Irene, you are transgender. God did make you that way. Don’t buy into the “I was choosing to be


Article Link:


FB discussion to this link at Dr. Brown’s site:


My reply to shame (prior to reading Dr. Brown’s article)


My profile link on Facebook:




Modern Day Pharisees In Our Government, Desparately Trying To Erase LGBT People

The state of politics here in Tennessee is at an all-time high level of “Us vs Them”, which means control and conformity to divide us at the state and national levels. A very important part of this toxic division at the state level is David Fowler, along with State Senators Mark Pody, Mae Beavers. They are insistent upon removing liberties from LGBT people.

Why?  “Because God said so”.

I’m not joking. Even in the least.

Let’s dive deeper…

First we have the 2016 GOP official party platform. Here are three important cornerstones of the GOP as outlined in the preamble of the platform document:

We affirm — as did the Declaration of Independence: that all are created equal, endowed by their Creator with inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness

We believe our constitutional system — limited government, separation of powers, federalism, and the rights of the people — must be preserved uncompromised for future generations

We believe the Constitution was written not as a flexible document, but as our enduring covenant.

However, a grave contradiction appears in pages 31-32 that takes away liberty, inalienable rights of life and the pursuit of happiness from those that are LGBT.  Only a marriage between one man and woman are valid, according this platform. This reads like James Dobson of Focus on the Family himself wrote this section of the party’s backbone document. Read it for yourself:

What is Liberty?

Liberty: “The state of being free within society from oppressive restrictions imposed by authority on one’s way of life, behavior, or political views.”

In Tennessee,House of Representatives bill HB1111 passed this morning. It re-words the definition of marriage, stripping LGBT people the liberty to marry the person they choose. Yes, the government of the state of Tennessee is halfway there in telling people who they can and cannot marry. Thus pages 31-32 of the GOP platform are more important than the US Constitution guaranteeing people the liberty to live their life as they see fit.

In creating government intrusion by weaseling inside the daily lives of many “because God”, the GOP can kiss goodbye to any claim of the “limited government” portion of their GOP platform.

David Fowler, a Tennessee activist and politician, is hell-bent on removing liberties for LGBT people that are enumerated in the Constitution and the GOP party platform. He is the head of the Family Action Council based in middle Tennessee. He really doesn’t care what is constitutional and what is unconstitutional, he said so himself: “if that word makes the law unconstitutional, so be it.”

The LGBT Erasure bill and Fowler’s dreadful admission:

Erasing LGBT people from the political and social landscape is the end game for these politicians “because God.”

He’s going against his party’s own platform as defined in the platform preamble.  That doesn’t seem to matter to Fowler and the rest of these types of people. They have it in their minds that LGBT are not equal under God, under the law, nor the Constitution nor the Declaration of Independence so it’s OK to be unconstitutionally against them. “Because God…

Liberty is only for people who are straight, evidently”

TN House rep Mark Pody (R-Lebanon) in regards to gay people marrying: “it is wicked, it is wrong and I am doing the best I can to warn them.” He firmly believes he’s protecting religious freedoms by removing liberties of others “because God”.

Someone please remind Mr Pody that he is a politician, not a prophet.

Here is Fowler, Beavers, and other state Senators attempting getting in the way of one’s due process last year. This is a gay couple, so they saw fit politically to intervene “because God”:

The politicians that jumped on the bandwagon to file a motion against the couple did so because they aren’t straight, they’re gay. So that inevitably means to these politicians that their liberties aren’t as valid as straight people’s liberties.

No modern day Pharisee’s resume would be complete without being on the anti-transgender person bandwagon. Like clockwork, Fowler & Co. attempt to take away the proper restroom from LGBT people and replace common sense with their declaration of who can use what bathroom.

Last year Fowler prayed with a couple dozen other pastors in support of the anti-transgender measure (yep, more anti-LGBT nonsense) to force men into women’s restrooms and women into men’s restrooms, “because God”:

Praying for legislation to pass so that, if trans people actually follow this repulsive law, will be harassed and beat up.  All in the name of “God”.

Liberty can’t be available for transgender people, they are part of the LGBT. So that means liberty is only for non-transgender people who are straight, evidently.

This isn’t Christianity.

This isn’t what Jesus would do.

However, this is what modern day Pharisees would do.

What is a Pharisee? “A member of an ancient Jewish sect, distinguished by strict observance of the traditional and written law, and commonly held to have pretensions to superior sanctity.”

In today’s USA terms, a Pharisee is a member of a staunch Evangelical Fundamentalist Christian belief system that everyone in their jurisdiction needs to live by their strict observance of the traditional and written law, and they are commonly held to have pretensions to superior sanctity.

These modern Pharisees declare we need to live under their decrees and doctrines. They believe they are acting on God’s behalf.

Could it be any clearer that we have modern day Pharisees running our government? The Pharisees killed the spirit of God, Jesus, and they’re killing the spirit of God in America these days with replacing faith with conformity to their laws.

When we clear away the smokescreens of political maneuvering and half truths, we see the real motivation behind Fowler, Beavers, Pody and the rest of the modern day Pharisees:  “We don’t care about perverse LGBT people or their liberties. We don’t care if what we do is unconstitutional nor against our own GOP platform nor against the Declaration of Independence. We do care that you submit to our view, which is God’s view because we have God on our side. LGBT you do not belong in our presence.”

“…because God”.

Judge people by their actions not their words. In the words of these GOP supporters of these toxic pieces of legislation, they claim to hold up the Constitution of the United States of America, the party’s platform. However, by their deeds they end-run the Constitution, create laws that strip people of their liberties and shred the Declaration of Independence by insisting all are not created equal.

They are modern day Pharisees indeed. Because this is so, we all suffer.

But to the real God, a God these modern day Pharisees do know now because they love law more than they love Him, He loves all His children, including those who happen to be LGBT. He said so with the blood of Jesus. He proved so with the resurrection.

If only these modern day Pharisees would follow the real God, the real Jesus, not a worldly system of conformity with the facade of Jesus’ name on the door. But they don’t.

Until then, we realize we have always belonged to God. The real God, not the false, worldly God of the modern day Pharisees where only straight, non-transgender, non-LGBT people are welcome.